betterthanexpected

that's said in a whisper...today i am betterthanexpected.

but i'm skittish to say that too LOUDLY or the world could crash again...

we've had a hellish busy week...let's start with Jal softball...we cruise into Jal, NM after dropping Lexi & Stroman with grandparents. bank temp reads a smooth 105 - holy cow - i'm 32 weeks pregnant and about to photograph almost 200 girls in 105 degree heat! think anyone would notice if i was hiding in the trees and drew took all the pics? we got it done...and had tons of fun. followed by 3 gallons of water and gatorade on the drive back to Odessa then to Alpine.

this was drew's last week to teach swimming lessons at sul ross. can you believe my dh has been teaching swimming lessons for 20 years! started at 13 and he's so great with the kids! cydney and stroman are both great swimmers because of him. and i've been taking pics of the little swimmers...

also, before we left roswell, we worked in some 1 year pics with mr. jace & i just had to share some of them with you guys...he's one of the happiest kids ever...plus, he and lexi had a sweet affection for each other at Grace nursery, so if the arranged marriage can be secured now, i've got pics of my future son-in-law!

Cydney has been gone to visit her father for 3 weeks and comes back this weekend! We are so excited to see the little bit again & have her back home. It's been interesting how Stroman has handled her being gone...sleeping in her bed every night. I'm glad she has a relationship with her father but the summers are the hardest time for me because she's gone for such long stretches of time...

what is wrong with me? no short answers here...

relocated? check.
basically unpacked? check.
in love with my husband? check.
adorable children? check. 3 healthy and one on the way.
happy woman? ouch. well, there are some days...okay moments of the day. um...no. not happy. not the joyful pregnant lady i should be. not the one i want to be. not the one i believe God intends for me to be.

and i can't determine why not. there isn't anything in my life that should keep me from being happy. except me.

did you know i don't answer my phone?
like ever.
because i am avoiding dealing with life.

even work calls. i hate them. love work. love the people i work with/for and yet, i HATE it when the phone rings. it has the power to ruin my day.

today i fought with my husband because the house was dirty...but the issue was really that i can't keep the house, kids, work-life, car, laundry, dishes, etc. perfectly clean and have any energy left in the day to make sure i look human. i try not to go to the grocery store because i don't want to get upset with the kids if they don't act the way i expect. and i'm tired...this pregnancy is easy, but i'm trying to do too many things at once.

and it is completely making me crazy. so hopefully simply admitting the problem will help me plow forward...

here's to happiness & hoping i can find it.

photos of family from Christmas adventure

steady

man i love to take photos. really, really love to take photos. but i have the hardest time actually utilizing the pics i take of my kids or the family...

so, these images - the ones i really treasure are hidden away on numerous external drives and sometimes i forget about some of them.

recently, i had to drag out an old external to update some photos with new editing software to see how the pictures would work into our new website and see if any might be viable for my old site

...

What I discovered is that we may have found some answers to the debate over "who does Lexi look like?" - top pics are cyd at 12 months or so. Stroman laughing in green stripes, around 9 months old. notice both have the natural mohawk and big smiles, also full cheeks. Now, it's been true since day 1 that Stroman's head is close to the size it will be when he is full grown...almost. I mean, really - the kid has a huge head! And Lexi's head just recently broke free from what I think of as baby head...

we did it...

okay. breathe in. breathe out.

that's my mantra today.

why? you inquire.

drew resigned from his job today.

crazy! you deduce.

possibly. we are going to chase our photography dreams and eliminate the rat race from our lives. he loves coaching and loved the kids at NMMI, but we are at a point in my photography where the business can stay at its current level - or we can work to grow the business. the sports photography grew wildly in the fall and we've gotten enough business lined up to keep us busy.

overjustifiying. you state.

possibly, but it is what i do best! and i am thrilled that we'll be working together every day.

until the day that i'm not thrilled and i promise you will hear about that if when it happens.