going grey

or do you spell it gray?

well, for me aging is just part of life. it's like having a birthday - i can't stop it, so why lose sleep over it.

but, as you all know, my life is never normal.

i'm going grey. i'm 31 with 2 kids, a fabulous husband, yadda yadda.

but you'll never notice the grey.

because it's solely on my eyelashes.

NO KIDDING - so far, i've removed 3 solid white hairs from my lash line - ladies, you wanna feel pain, skip the bikini wax & tweeze out an eyelash. it'll make you consider having your next child w/o painkillers - b/c you'd rather have them for the day you have to pull out your next grey lash.

anyone else out there ever had this issue?

look out spring breakers!!

i'm dangerous.

ladies, don't cry for me! all the comments on the last blog made me realize that i came off sounding down.

nay.

v. happy with life, just frustrated with my attitude towards life.

and, trace & tracy, for those of us who have been through a divorce...you know that every decision, every day A.D. involves an element of rebuilding yourself. this is true if you had a nasty divorce or gave each other hi-fives on the courthouse steps! but the result *taking back the power* is undeniably powerful!

so - tidbits from cydney -

1. when we went to her specialist in Albuquerque, i was nervous. telling the details of cydney's health i wrapped up with - "and other than that, she likes to eat lots of candy when i'm not looking." the appropriate smattering of laughter from the nurse.

cyd: "i eat my boogers when you aren't looking too, Mom."

HOLY COW! SUCH TIMING! and honesty. she's only 3. but holy crap - that was the perfect tension breaker! i don't even have time to go into how many times we've told her that nose picking is gross.

2. cydlio & stromiester play WAY TOO MUCH. stroman had his 1 year immunizations today & cyd cried because she wanted to be there when he got shots. yesterday, she said, "Well, momma, stroman doesn't like shots. They hurt. They will make him cry. I better go with him."

3. stroman is now saying words. daddy, momma, ister (not a typo- he's calling her ister) and tonight he busted out with ball.

any cool things your families are up to now? or pets? or anything?

oh - the reason the spring breakers are in trouble is because i can purchase alcohol legally & behave just as immaturely as they do.

blessings...

as a control freak, i sometimes find it hard to let life situations be & let God handle them. as my mother used to tell me, it does no good to hand something to God but hang on to the corner & not let Him have full control.

to be honest, in the face of challenges i often just ignore them. last week, while frustrated over business, i finally voiced my real issue. "i'm sick of having to start over. i had to start over in Sweetwater (where i moved after the divorce and suddenly realized i HAD to make a living for cyd & self). i had to start over in Alpine & then, just when things are going along at a nice clip, we move. now i'm having to start over in Roswell."

husband immediately gave me a hug and reminded me that I GET TO START OVER! some people never get this opportunity. i can reinvent my business, learning from past mistakes and go forward. also, i did a top job of making him feel horrible for moving us here. not the intention. must learn to monitor speech more.

and here's where the quarter-life crisis falls into place...i was successful in high school in almost everything, sports, UIL events, state debate qualifier, etc. college was rather easy as well, good grades, sorority president, lots of friends, etc. first marriage fails and my confidence goes through the floor. oddly, it was obvious from oh, the first 23 hours or so, that it wouldn't work...but stubborn me pushed along and thought i could make it. now, it seems any bump in the road and i'm ready to throw-up my hands and quit. THIS IS NOT MY USUAL APPROACH TO LIFE. and yet, i give in so easily. afraid that failing again will be the -- the what, really? the end to my career? the ruination of my reputation?

just to let anyone who doesn't already know...i'm a photographer. started as a magazine field editor/photographer, now i do mainly portraits, kids, engagements (my favorite people to work with!) weddings, sports, action, etc. i've been beating the bushes here to get a job. just any ol' job, something. and no takers. cue the crickets.

here's why this post is labeled blessings: when i back off and look at my calendar, i actually have 3 shoots with large paychecks booked in the next 3 months - 2 weddings and a prom. in addition, i have a bridal portrait shoot and i'm getting orders from a wedding we did in January. true, these events are back in the alpine, texas-area, but we are looking forward to going back that way & catching up with you, you and hopefully you.

drew convinced me to spend a little money on marketing and we're taking part in a contest where we enter any child's portrait for a chance to win up to $5,000! E-mail me if you are in NM or West Texas and let's get your children scheduled a session during this time.

in the meantime, i've revamped all of my pricing & we're implementing some new marketing strategies just to get people to know about my services.

in the personal life, we've been looking to sell our house in alpine. TODAY WE GOT AN OFFER ON IT! Thank you God for this blessing. If we can sell that house, we can buy a home we found here in Roswell & get out of the excessively high rent we are paying! What a blessing!

and, cydney had a simple day surgery a few weeks ago & everything is going well! she was totally brave & didn't show any worries about going to a room with the doctors and not us.

plus, that time at the hospital was the first extended exposure we had to cyd's biological father and stepmother. it was tense at first, but we all talked - even laughed! - and got along beautifully! anyone who shares a child of divorce has the fear of having to be civil to the other parents...you know you do! you envision what life is like for the kids on visits - unlimited Slurpees & gallon size bags of M&M's followed by no schedule and the TV as a baby-sitter. it was so refreshing to know that's not what cyd gets when she goes for her visits!

what a nice step towards peace when she has soccer games, graduates from high school, gets married, etc. and summer visitation is being scheduled & we're so excited that Chas and Sunnie are wanting several two-week periods vs. a block of 42 days! everyone will get substantial summer time & cyd won't be too homesick.

this weekend, another blessing of our new location allowed us to take a day-trip to Ruidoso and take cyd tubing! we've had nice snow recently & we'd love to get her on skis but decided to start with tubin' - we all had a blast, except for little stroman who couldn't tolerate being kept behind the fences & away from the fun!

thanks, trace, for reminding me to post!