sometimes our heart does break

stroman's been a main topic here lately. until mid-January, he'd been home with me and that means lots of talking with momma time. sometimes it's funny. sometimes it's exhausting. but most often listening to stroman makes me tear up.

tonight we received news that a man from our church had a massive heart attack while taking part in one of his favorite activities, swimming.

while we waited for word from the hospital, stroman and cydney were on their beds looking at a few books. i was holding case, begging him to go to sleep. (which he refused.) meanwhile, drew had gone to read with the kids.

i should probably tell you that we are open with our children about life. we feel that they need to know about the realities of life and death. we try to make sure they are aware of dangers but not scared of the world. we discuss heaven and hell, usually as answers to their questions.

tonight, drew told them about our friend.

cydney and stroman came running to get me to do prayers and stroman said, "hey mom, you wanna come pray for George (our dog that died last year), Sammy (his friend from pre-K who stapled his thumb this week) and the man who had an accident in the pool at daddy's school and his heart broke?"

his words were so completely innocent, honest and perfectly described what happened. dan's heart did break. after we had tucked the bigs in bed, we learned that Dan had died. we are comforted to know that his relationship with God was strong, yet we are sad that we won't be able to enjoy him anymore. we ache for his family and hope they have peace and comfort during what must be an incredibly challenging time.

and we will stop to listen more to what our children have to say in their uniquely honest ways.

It's Almost Valentine's Day...

which means I'll be right on time if I get my photos from Christmas online today!

a little room to breathe here people!

i just finished the best book...ROOM.

stayed up late. didn't do a thing this a.m. until i finished it.

lovely use of language. still thinking about the characters.

meanwhile...look what i found on the external today...

Case

Lexi

she really likes hats

drew took this one...beautiful!

Cydney before Christmas Program



but she's really a rock star...



Santa Drew



Santa Stroman



Laren & Lexi



Case...fortunate the other punks can't read his shirt!



The Snake-Killing Fire Power of Three Year Olds

"Mom, did I tell you about when Tegin and I killed-ed a snake?" Stroman asked one night during dinner.

"No, babe," I replied. "What happened?"

"We were, um, in the pasture. I mean, the jungle..." gulp, gulp, gulp (drinking milk like he's never been so thirsty), sigh. "And we were neeking up on an elephant with our rifles, like what Mibter Bic (Mister Vic) has and we saw a big, huge rattlesnake chasing us."

"Then what happened?"

"Tegin gave me his blue rifle with the bullets in it and I shot the snake with the scope, and then he closed his eyes."

"Tegin closed his eyes?"

"NO MOM! We don't point rifles at people!"

"Really? So, was the snake dead?"

"YES MOM! I told you we killed-ed him"

liar, liar, pants on fire.

let's be honest. i'm just glad to have pants on.

even if they are on fire.

last week i was fortunate enough to spend some time chatting with my former neighbor, Mindi.

and i promised her i would blog over the weekend, but life happened and i didn't make time for it.

it's wednesday and here i sit. trying to decide what i could share...

it's beyond time that we begin "The Chronicles of Tegin and Stroman"

Tegin was a boy who went to school with Stroman in New Mexico. He is a precious tow-headed kid...youngest of 4 kids and just a joy to be around. Stroman played with him daily. Until the day Tegin switched schools. (Sometimes I pray that it wasn't something Stroman did that made the precious boy change schools.) Since then, Stroman just hasn't let go of his friendship with Tegin. In fact, they still play together...at least in Stroman's imagination.

So, I've been jotting down the intriguing adventures that Tegin and Stroman experience.

betterthanexpected

that's said in a whisper...today i am betterthanexpected.

but i'm skittish to say that too LOUDLY or the world could crash again...

we've had a hellish busy week...let's start with Jal softball...we cruise into Jal, NM after dropping Lexi & Stroman with grandparents. bank temp reads a smooth 105 - holy cow - i'm 32 weeks pregnant and about to photograph almost 200 girls in 105 degree heat! think anyone would notice if i was hiding in the trees and drew took all the pics? we got it done...and had tons of fun. followed by 3 gallons of water and gatorade on the drive back to Odessa then to Alpine.

this was drew's last week to teach swimming lessons at sul ross. can you believe my dh has been teaching swimming lessons for 20 years! started at 13 and he's so great with the kids! cydney and stroman are both great swimmers because of him. and i've been taking pics of the little swimmers...

also, before we left roswell, we worked in some 1 year pics with mr. jace & i just had to share some of them with you guys...he's one of the happiest kids ever...plus, he and lexi had a sweet affection for each other at Grace nursery, so if the arranged marriage can be secured now, i've got pics of my future son-in-law!

Cydney has been gone to visit her father for 3 weeks and comes back this weekend! We are so excited to see the little bit again & have her back home. It's been interesting how Stroman has handled her being gone...sleeping in her bed every night. I'm glad she has a relationship with her father but the summers are the hardest time for me because she's gone for such long stretches of time...

what is wrong with me? no short answers here...

relocated? check.
basically unpacked? check.
in love with my husband? check.
adorable children? check. 3 healthy and one on the way.
happy woman? ouch. well, there are some days...okay moments of the day. um...no. not happy. not the joyful pregnant lady i should be. not the one i want to be. not the one i believe God intends for me to be.

and i can't determine why not. there isn't anything in my life that should keep me from being happy. except me.

did you know i don't answer my phone?
like ever.
because i am avoiding dealing with life.

even work calls. i hate them. love work. love the people i work with/for and yet, i HATE it when the phone rings. it has the power to ruin my day.

today i fought with my husband because the house was dirty...but the issue was really that i can't keep the house, kids, work-life, car, laundry, dishes, etc. perfectly clean and have any energy left in the day to make sure i look human. i try not to go to the grocery store because i don't want to get upset with the kids if they don't act the way i expect. and i'm tired...this pregnancy is easy, but i'm trying to do too many things at once.

and it is completely making me crazy. so hopefully simply admitting the problem will help me plow forward...

here's to happiness & hoping i can find it.

photos of family from Christmas adventure

steady

man i love to take photos. really, really love to take photos. but i have the hardest time actually utilizing the pics i take of my kids or the family...

so, these images - the ones i really treasure are hidden away on numerous external drives and sometimes i forget about some of them.

recently, i had to drag out an old external to update some photos with new editing software to see how the pictures would work into our new website and see if any might be viable for my old site

...

What I discovered is that we may have found some answers to the debate over "who does Lexi look like?" - top pics are cyd at 12 months or so. Stroman laughing in green stripes, around 9 months old. notice both have the natural mohawk and big smiles, also full cheeks. Now, it's been true since day 1 that Stroman's head is close to the size it will be when he is full grown...almost. I mean, really - the kid has a huge head! And Lexi's head just recently broke free from what I think of as baby head...