Love is in the Air

It's the time of year for brides and all things bridal...the photos of the lovely blonde are how I was blessed to kick off this year's wedding season. We met up with Kellye G at the historic Paisano Hotel in Marfa recently to do her bridal portraits. The generous staff granted us access to a brilliant balcony room.The funny thing is how Kellye G and I were introduced. Drew, Meredith and I were loading a moving truck at the storage unit in Alpine and Kellye G called to see if she could bring me a deposit which reserves me for the date of the wedding. I'm not exactly sure how she heard about me, but she was certain she wanted us to do her wedding photography. In no time, she pulls up at the storage unit and hands me a check for twice the normal deposit. That's trusting. To hand money to a woman who is obviously leaving town & to know that you still want this crazy lady to do your wedding photos! After working with Kellye G on the bridals, I know we will have a fabulous time with this bride & her groom Cody at the June event.

and now, if my crazy website hosting issues will go away, Kellye G. will get to see how beautiful she is and envision living her very own happily ever after.

i digress...which is really hard for me to do.

After thinking about Lori & Trace's responses to my last blog, I have to admit some things.

a) my response to Drew's schedule was TOTALLY SELFISH! 

b) Lori mentioned that when I get the chance to do my own thing, I should and enjoy it. After much consideration, it has come to the attention of our household that I don't ever get to do my own thing. Because I don't allow myself to do my own thing. No wonder I'm stressed! 

So, we evaluated why...we being, me & the voices in my head.

Something happened when we moved to Roswell - a switch in my faulty little brain flicked off the idea that I can't do anything by myself. This hasn't ever been part of my life. I've LOVED to go do things alone. Hell, the majority of my favorite things are loner activities.

But, I've relied on Drew for so much that I've created a "way out" for myself. Then, allowing myself to be trapped at the house creates tension.  So, I've decided to eliminate the pessimistic attitude & go out there & do things by myself.

Don't forget that we are still relatively new at this married stuff - our second anniversary is coming up in July. I hadn't factored in that we NEED to experience some growing pains.

Oh, and any idea how many new friends I have in Roswell?

none.

well, one or maybe two, but we haven't been able to get together for weeks...

Saturday, Drew had to go watch a scrimmage & I was home alone. But - in an effort to prove to myself that I'm capable of anything, I packed up the kids. We went to the store. We went to McD's. We went to the park and had a picnic. We even tried to get Stroman's haircut, but the barber shop was closed. Back to the park - taking those muchkins to the park by myself is a challenge...but I changed my attitude and loved every joyous second of it! 

And Drew and talked about the things I want us to MAKE time for -- and he didn't realize I was shorting myself those things...he just figured I didn't want to do them, or I would be doing them.

In the next week, Stroman is going to start going to the preschool for 2 - maybe 3 days a week - for 1/2 days. That way, I'll have time to - read, get my hair cut, work out - and even shave my crazy legs! I have to say, it's going to be hard not to have my little guy with me 24/7! but he needs the exposure to other caretakers...

Which leads to action #2 - We are incorporating the use of a babysitter into our home. Mind you, this might sound like we are just going to start handing over care of kids all of the time to someone else. But Stroman is 14 months old and has been with caretakers other than church nursery & grandparents a total of 4 times - no longer than 3 hours each time! The other day I wanted to go workout but the kids had scarlet fever and couldn't be in the offered child care at the gym & CYDNEY actually asked me to get them a sitter so I could go...

I have the sitter's name, number and I'm prepared to use it for just such events.

#3 - This summer, Drew & I are going to take advantage of a family property in Cabo & go on a much-needed, adult-only, bring on the Mojitos- vacation!

I'll have another post today...stay tuned.

pissed off.

Classy title, don't you think.

Let me start with the disclaimers - I believe marriage is a commitment, not just the happy-go-lucky feelings that first accompanied our initial dates. I love my husband. I'm committed to our marriage but sometimes I feel like I should just be committed - padded walls, timely doses of little blue, pink and yellow pills.

Last week, I had the blessing of wrestling two kids in hideously tiny room at doctor's office. We love our doctor so I kindly dismissed the hour we sat in HTR. Sat is an interesting word. No one sat. Cyd climbed. Stroman ran from wall to wall. I chased them.

I called dear husband 3 times, in search of backup. The assailants had me cornered. Holding Stroman, who weighs in at 26 pounds in one arm while trying to lift Cyd (43 pounds) onto the exam table required my innate super-human strength. But after a while, holding a 26 pound muscle who is attempting to kick his way free is equivalent to Kryptonite! Meanwhile, Cyd is feeling quite punk, but still finds the energy to ask, point, question, touch, etc. & I love her curious nature, so I'm attempting to answer. Get it? Craziness X2. And don't forget that both had runny noses - so I'm wiping constantly to keep doc from walking in on boogie land heathens. 

My calls were in vain. I knew he was on the football field because his team had practice. I also knew that Cyd was sick & HAD to see the doc. But I was ready to ask if there was anyone - a hurt player, one of the player's girlfriends, a wife of another coach, someones nosey neighbor, ANYONE that might come help me. I just needed Stroman entertained for 20 minutes so I could answer Doc's questions without having to yell over his screaming! Nothing. No answer to my calls.

Note the title of this blog.

That read, fast forward to this afternoon. I've been working all day. Stroman took a decent nap. House is relatively under control. Family plans are to go to the gym. We haven't made it all week & I'm pumped. I NEED to workout right now to relieve some stress. After picking up Cydney at school we have errands to run & then, plan to meet DH at house. At 5:30, we see the practice field is clear & head home, expecting DH any moment.

5:45 - nothing. decide to plant the geraniums we bought this weekend.

6:15 - phone rings. DH. At emergency room. Player hurt. No one with player. DH is going to stay and sit with him so he's not alone. 

This is when my good witch personality is supposed to say, "Honey, you do whatever you need to do."

But that wicked witch snatched the mic away from good witch and snarled, "What!?!"

pause

"I need to stay here with him."

My brain is bombarded by reasons DH shouldn't have to stay at the ER - i.e. this is a college kid, not an infant ; where is the trainer? ; doesn't he have any friends who don't have families waiting at home for them?, etc.

"We can go to the gym when I get home."

"No we can't. You won't be here until 7:00 at the earliest. The kids need to be in bed by 8 & have dinner. I guess I could feed them right now...no. It won't work. Just stay. But don't forget that you couldn't leave the guys for us last week when I needed you at the doctor. It sure is easy to leave us for them."

Okay - Did you see how I was doing decently - you know, rational thought, right up until the last two lines where I just acted like a selfish twit?

I hate it when my words hurt others. I know it is part of his job & I know he'd rather be home with us. But I hate that sometimes he's forced to make a choice.

Forced by me. 

I'd apologize to him right now, but he's at the ER picking the kid up to take him back to the dorm & get him settled in. And that's the right thing to do. So why am I still pissed off?

To Do List:

1. Share past week with blog family.

• scarlet fever - cyd & stroman
• stroman being full-body sanitized, then bathed due to curious hands in the potty while sister was using the toilet. (remember to describe the screaming and laughter from Cyd as she tried to get me to come to the bathroom)
• new marketing research job
• new health/wellness opportunity - my skin is gorgeous for the first time ever!

2. Post new photos

• stroman going up & down slide without help
• cydney's new bicycle
• anything else on all those digital cards you haven't cleared off

3. Explain why inept people who pass the buck make your tongue itch -- examples : Walgreens Pharmacy, BCBS insurance, WTU. That should be enough examples.

TAX TIME!

a) we did our taxes. after one day of sorting through all of my record-keeping for laren bridges : photography & deciphering all the medical receipts, the taxes are done. filed. yeah!

um...our 2007 medical records are quite interesting to me. let's see - feb. 12th, child born. said child diagnosed with severe acid reflux a few months later. i had to be checked for blood clots after stroman's birth because i'd lost feeling/control in my left leg...ER visit & a follow-up ultrasound exam of legs. other child, cydney, had 2 ER visits for what has been determined to be PFAPA (periodic fever, aphthous stomatitis, pharyngitis, cervical adenitis) syndrome. we're talking 103-104 degree fever, but not lethargic or complaining. one night at 2 a.m. in the ER i'm quite positive that we were not treated quickly because her behavior (other than vomiting on the nurse) was normal. she was waving to other patients and saying hello to all the doctors. drew and i almost wanted to bribe her to act a little sicker. the end of that visit? 5:30 a.m - they asked ME TO GIVE HER A DOSE OF MOTRIN! that's what i'd been doing at home. thanks for your time. curse word. harsh curse word. disbelief. more cursing.

then we did lab work to have a guide to her blood when she's not having symptoms - and of course, she hasn't had another dramatic attack.

i was bitten by a poisonous spider following a photo shoot and had to have an ER visit myself. leg was inflamed, raised, etc. the nice nurse broke out a sharpie and circled the area so we could monitor any changes. the bite had developed overnight from a small circle (size of a pencil eraser) to larger than my man hand (seriously - had my schedule been clear, i totally had that guest appearance on Seinfield). the next day i had to meet with the surgeon...b/c many spider bites like this (WARNING - GRAPHIC!) require a surgeon to piece your flesh back together. she put me on meds for leprosy & another double-strength antibiotic. a few weeks later, life was better - still have a red spot where the infection was attempting to claim my leg.

b) photography is going well. and i'm meeting with jodi tomorrow to discuss a new job. it would be PT/work from home...research for marketing about ranch properties. i'm amazed to be offered an opportunity like this!

c) my friend, lori, is embarking on a vlog of her adventures in losing weight. ladies, most of us know that our weight/measurements/true feelings about how we look are hard to open up about. i think lori is a delightful woman and she'll keep it real during her journey, so read, watch & support as you will. also, drew and i are trying to get in shape & i'm trying to lose pounds - watching what we eat based on the SixWeekBody.com plan & we're working out 3-5 times a week. in the past week, i've dropped 4 pounds, but i have to say, i'm fighting those cravings for carbs & sweets. the basics of the eating plan for our body type - no salt, no added sugar, no cooking in oil or butter, eat 6 times a day, small portions. it makes sense - quick changes, etc. whatever works for you, do it.

d) my friend meredith can keep you up to date on American Idol, but I have to admit last night I watched it for the first time...while on the elliptical machine. David Cook - there's my vote.

going grey

or do you spell it gray?

well, for me aging is just part of life. it's like having a birthday - i can't stop it, so why lose sleep over it.

but, as you all know, my life is never normal.

i'm going grey. i'm 31 with 2 kids, a fabulous husband, yadda yadda.

but you'll never notice the grey.

because it's solely on my eyelashes.

NO KIDDING - so far, i've removed 3 solid white hairs from my lash line - ladies, you wanna feel pain, skip the bikini wax & tweeze out an eyelash. it'll make you consider having your next child w/o painkillers - b/c you'd rather have them for the day you have to pull out your next grey lash.

anyone else out there ever had this issue?

look out spring breakers!!

i'm dangerous.

ladies, don't cry for me! all the comments on the last blog made me realize that i came off sounding down.

nay.

v. happy with life, just frustrated with my attitude towards life.

and, trace & tracy, for those of us who have been through a divorce...you know that every decision, every day A.D. involves an element of rebuilding yourself. this is true if you had a nasty divorce or gave each other hi-fives on the courthouse steps! but the result *taking back the power* is undeniably powerful!

so - tidbits from cydney -

1. when we went to her specialist in Albuquerque, i was nervous. telling the details of cydney's health i wrapped up with - "and other than that, she likes to eat lots of candy when i'm not looking." the appropriate smattering of laughter from the nurse.

cyd: "i eat my boogers when you aren't looking too, Mom."

HOLY COW! SUCH TIMING! and honesty. she's only 3. but holy crap - that was the perfect tension breaker! i don't even have time to go into how many times we've told her that nose picking is gross.

2. cydlio & stromiester play WAY TOO MUCH. stroman had his 1 year immunizations today & cyd cried because she wanted to be there when he got shots. yesterday, she said, "Well, momma, stroman doesn't like shots. They hurt. They will make him cry. I better go with him."

3. stroman is now saying words. daddy, momma, ister (not a typo- he's calling her ister) and tonight he busted out with ball.

any cool things your families are up to now? or pets? or anything?

oh - the reason the spring breakers are in trouble is because i can purchase alcohol legally & behave just as immaturely as they do.

blessings...

as a control freak, i sometimes find it hard to let life situations be & let God handle them. as my mother used to tell me, it does no good to hand something to God but hang on to the corner & not let Him have full control.

to be honest, in the face of challenges i often just ignore them. last week, while frustrated over business, i finally voiced my real issue. "i'm sick of having to start over. i had to start over in Sweetwater (where i moved after the divorce and suddenly realized i HAD to make a living for cyd & self). i had to start over in Alpine & then, just when things are going along at a nice clip, we move. now i'm having to start over in Roswell."

husband immediately gave me a hug and reminded me that I GET TO START OVER! some people never get this opportunity. i can reinvent my business, learning from past mistakes and go forward. also, i did a top job of making him feel horrible for moving us here. not the intention. must learn to monitor speech more.

and here's where the quarter-life crisis falls into place...i was successful in high school in almost everything, sports, UIL events, state debate qualifier, etc. college was rather easy as well, good grades, sorority president, lots of friends, etc. first marriage fails and my confidence goes through the floor. oddly, it was obvious from oh, the first 23 hours or so, that it wouldn't work...but stubborn me pushed along and thought i could make it. now, it seems any bump in the road and i'm ready to throw-up my hands and quit. THIS IS NOT MY USUAL APPROACH TO LIFE. and yet, i give in so easily. afraid that failing again will be the -- the what, really? the end to my career? the ruination of my reputation?

just to let anyone who doesn't already know...i'm a photographer. started as a magazine field editor/photographer, now i do mainly portraits, kids, engagements (my favorite people to work with!) weddings, sports, action, etc. i've been beating the bushes here to get a job. just any ol' job, something. and no takers. cue the crickets.

here's why this post is labeled blessings: when i back off and look at my calendar, i actually have 3 shoots with large paychecks booked in the next 3 months - 2 weddings and a prom. in addition, i have a bridal portrait shoot and i'm getting orders from a wedding we did in January. true, these events are back in the alpine, texas-area, but we are looking forward to going back that way & catching up with you, you and hopefully you.

drew convinced me to spend a little money on marketing and we're taking part in a contest where we enter any child's portrait for a chance to win up to $5,000! E-mail me if you are in NM or West Texas and let's get your children scheduled a session during this time.

in the meantime, i've revamped all of my pricing & we're implementing some new marketing strategies just to get people to know about my services.

in the personal life, we've been looking to sell our house in alpine. TODAY WE GOT AN OFFER ON IT! Thank you God for this blessing. If we can sell that house, we can buy a home we found here in Roswell & get out of the excessively high rent we are paying! What a blessing!

and, cydney had a simple day surgery a few weeks ago & everything is going well! she was totally brave & didn't show any worries about going to a room with the doctors and not us.

plus, that time at the hospital was the first extended exposure we had to cyd's biological father and stepmother. it was tense at first, but we all talked - even laughed! - and got along beautifully! anyone who shares a child of divorce has the fear of having to be civil to the other parents...you know you do! you envision what life is like for the kids on visits - unlimited Slurpees & gallon size bags of M&M's followed by no schedule and the TV as a baby-sitter. it was so refreshing to know that's not what cyd gets when she goes for her visits!

what a nice step towards peace when she has soccer games, graduates from high school, gets married, etc. and summer visitation is being scheduled & we're so excited that Chas and Sunnie are wanting several two-week periods vs. a block of 42 days! everyone will get substantial summer time & cyd won't be too homesick.

this weekend, another blessing of our new location allowed us to take a day-trip to Ruidoso and take cyd tubing! we've had nice snow recently & we'd love to get her on skis but decided to start with tubin' - we all had a blast, except for little stroman who couldn't tolerate being kept behind the fences & away from the fun!

thanks, trace, for reminding me to post!